africa.

It’s been thirty days since we’ve been home from Africa and I’m still processing my feelings about the trip. I had the most amazing time. The Ugandans are such beautiful people. And so warm. They have the brightest smiles against their flawless dark skin.

The kids are obsessed with white people which pretty much gives you an “in” when you’re sharing the gospel.

We spent the first week in a rural village called Arua. Picture bumpy red-dirt roads, homes made out of mud and straw, women walking barefoot carrying baskets of raw food atop her head. Babies slung across backs, families of five riding one motorbike, and goats—lots and lots of goats—everywhere! It was pretty much exactly as I had always pictured Africa being, except greener. 

We visited somewhere between 25 and thirty schools during those seven days. Those were the most surreal seven days of my life. I played with some of the cutest kids I’ve ever met, performed dramas in their school, danced with them, sang with them, prayed with them. 

One day we split up and went into three prisons. That was the day I shared my testimony. I pretty much shared that I have everything I’ve ever wanted and I still find myself wanting more. I have a husband, a job, a car, a home, and I still feel empty when I forget about the One who has blessed me with it all. After that, we sang “Yes Lord!” and I danced on a table because that’s what they were doing and I didn’t want them to think I had a stick up my you-know-what! It was quite freeing actually. We Americans are so stiff sometimes…

On our way to the city we stopped and stayed at a nice resort located on a game park (safari). We barely got to spend any time there, but I get to check "Go on an African Safari" off my bucket list!

we saw just about every animal; elephants, giraffes, warthogs, water bucks, hippos, hyena, even a lion! 

 resort.

water safari the next day.

Our second week was spent in Kampala, the big city. We spent our days touring the Africa Renewal Ministries facilities and a couple were spent on an unnamed island with lots and lots of big juicy spiders. That was the worst part of the trip for me.

(sleeping in a mosquito net every night)

We were there with a group of Ugandan university students, helping them run their retreat. Our whole team was pretty freaked when we saw where we were supposed to sleep--picture wasps the size of your index finger and their nests. Spiders the size of mice nesting in their webs as thick as dental floss. By the end of the second day there were bats living in the open beamed ceilings.) This will make me sound like a spoiled brat, but that was seriously not  what I signed up for when going on that trip! I wanted out.

What should have been the worst part of the trip for everyone on our team ended up being one of the favorites. My team members loved getting to know the university students and felt like the friendships they formed on that retreat helped carry them through the weekend of [what should be] horrific circumstances. 

That being said, I would’ve loved to stay in Arua the whole time or have done more outreach type stuff in Kampala.

When we got back to the city, we visited a small orphanage where I met this little angel from my dreams:

I was expecting to have some major culture shock when coming back to the states, but I totally didn’t. In fact, I just recently started missing Africa. The people there are some of the most amazing people ever, and I am so so so glad that I went on this trip. I would go again just to be with those children! Besides that, I think my favorite part was just being able to experience it with Ian and getting some quality time with the girls on the team. 

The Lonely Part.

The role of a Pastor or his wife is glamorized here. They are kind of celebrities in the church circle, wouldn’t you agree? As much as you like to think of them as normal people you still wonder what life is like for them at home. That’s why you read my blog isn’t it? Because you want a glimpse of what it’s like to be married to the most popular Christian guy in the church ; ) I don’t say this to gloat about all the attention I get from my husband’s position in the church, but to reveal the other part of being married to the ministry.

The lonely part.

The sitting solo on Sundays part. The driving-in-separate-cars-to-everything part. The being-home-alone-while-he’s-still-at-church part. The even-though-he’s-home-studying-he’s-still-too-distracted-to pay-attention-to-me part. The walking-into-a- packed-church-alone part. The I-feel-single-on-the-weekend part. The lonely-in-a-crowded-room part. The I’m-scared-to-have-a-baby-because-I’ll-do-a-lot-of-the hard-stuff-on-my-own part. The attending-weddings-and-weekend-events-alone part. The part where girls are too intimidated by my title to come talk to me. The part where even when we’re laying in bed at the end of the day, his mind is focused on something else.

This is not my list of complaints. This is my reality.

All you see is the part where my super godly husband preaches on a stage in front of thousands of people. Or the part where I don’t have to work. The part where although we drive in separate cars, we have separate cars. The part where we’re smiling and nodding and shaking hands. The part where we get to go on mission trips for free. The part where we get to be friends with all the other popular staff members. All you see is our Sunday best.

As I’ve clearly stated throughout this blog, ministry has both its blessings and it’s burdens. The blessings far outweigh the burdens, but I want people to know that it isn't as easy as it is enchanting. 

Many college girls tell me that they want to marry a pastor. I ask why? But do I need to? I know why. Because the only part they see is the glamorous part. That is just a smidge of reality (and it’s really not that cool). A calling is a calling and ministry is so rich and full. Just please don’t put my lifestyle on a pedestal and please don’t be too scared to come talk to me at church. Most of the time I’m lonely. 

To Entertain Strangers.

Maybe if I could keep our home clean for longer than a day. Or maybe if I was a better cook. Or if we had more space to entertain…

Earthly circumstances never permanently improve my attitude. The truth is,

I am not hospitable.

I’ve always seen home as my escape. I’d come home from school and just be alone. I never loved having my friends over—I’d rather go to their house. I’ve always wanted to separate my social life from my home life, but with parents like mine, it was nearly impossible.

Opening up your home to just about anyone is truly a gift. My parent’s cul-de-sac has probably had more traffic than the Taco Bell on Ninth Street. Hosting youth group, holidays, and friends and family; thousands of people have come through my parent’s house.

Which is probably why I’m so protective of the solitude in my own home.

Full-time ministry is socially draining for an introvert like me. After a weekend full of strangers, I’m ready to go home, curl up into a ball, and hide under the covers for a good 72 hours. The concept of inviting people over to entertain and feed them blows me over the edge. (Notice: I said the “concept of inviting people over…” Not the actual act of doing it, but just the thought overwhelms me! I am in need of some major help!)

I’m always looking for areas to improve and have recently decided that I should be more hospitable. I didn’t tell Ian that this had been on my heart because I wasn’t ready to commit. I needed some more time to process how I was going to conquer my clashing fleshly tendencies.

I began looking to the Bible for some motivation to follow through with inviting my first guest over and what I found was minorly convicting.

“And above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. 
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:8-9

As if that wasn't clear enough, I knew God was speaking to me when I flipped to 1 Timothy 3:2.

“Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…” 1 Timothy 3:2

My selfishness is stifling my husband’s ability to satisfy his calling in ministry!

I told Ian what God was doing in my heart and that night we had some friends over for dinner. The hours anticipating the arrival of our guests were peaceful and exciting! I finally had a reason to use my swanky glass carafe from Crate & Barrel that usually just sits on top of my cupboards. I filled it with my secret concoction of Blueberry Tea Lemonade and even plopped in some lemon slices to fancify the overall presentation. 

For once, I was relaxed and able to enjoy the company of others in my home.

God is just so amazing. The things He calls us to do are never beyond our ability when we run to Him for help. I am always blessed when I force myself to do something I know God wants from me. My spirit is always rewarded when I am obedient. 

Funny how that works.

(Not.)

What do you feel God is calling you out of your comfort zone for? 

Who's Who?

I was doing a question and answer thingy on my other blog and this question popped up:

"How do you and your husband view men's and women's roles in marriage?" 

Which led to me to ask my eloquent, pastor-y husband to put it into words for me and back it up with scripture. (I am like the worst ever at telling people my opinions on certain things even though I definitely have my own opinions)... Anywho! Here was Ian's response: 

When it comes to salvation and identity in Christ--the man and the woman are equal in God's sight; they are of equal standing and importance in God's kingdom (Gal. 3:28).  

With that being said, they of course play different roles in marriage.  Genesis 1:27 says "He made them MALE and FEMALE"--i.e. God made the man and woman to be DIFFERENT from each other.  And different is not bad; it's just different. In the New Testament there are also multiple instances where the authors give unique commands to the man and then commands that are unique to the woman (example: Titus 2, ) as well as unique commands for husbands and then for wives (Eph. 5, 1 Pet. 3).  

God first made man and gave him a mission (Gen 2:15-17--tend the garden/work the land).  But, when He saw that "it wasn't good for man to be alone in this"--he made him a "helper" from his side (Gen. 2:18-23) to help the man on his mission.  We believe that because of this, in a marriage, the man first is called to a mission from God and the woman is made to be his helper in his mission.  Now this of course does not mean that a woman can't also have a mission--lots of times she does, and many times has her own missions or sub-missions that are for her and not necessarily her husband--but all really should be under or within the context of her assisting her husband in his mission.  Later in Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul clarifies that the husband has been appointed as "head" over the wife as Jesus is head over the church, and that the wife is to submit to the husband and the husband is to "lay down his life" in service of the wife.

Also, God gave a command to the couple TOGETHER in the beginning (1:28-29) to be fruitful and multiply and to rule/tend the earth as a couple.  So once again, both the man and woman are of equal importance in the mission and called together.  But when God fleshes out the detail of the story in chapter 2 (from above) we see that He first made the man for a mission and then gave him the woman as a helper from his side.  

Also...scripture seems to place a bigger weight on the man to work and provide for the family, and a bigger weight on the woman to bare/nurture the children.  I think this is first evident in the fact that the "curse" placed on the man and woman as punishment of their sin in Gen. 3:14-20 is a curse for the man's work to be harder and "sweatier," and for the woman's "childbearing" to be painful (we think that the term "childbearing" refers to more than just giving birth--but "bearing" can also mean carrying or raising children). But the curse on the man and woman seems to be specific to their natural/God-given jobs that they love.  

Throughout the rest of scripture, there seems to be an expectation that the man provides for the family through work and the woman nurtures the children (though they assist each other with each of these).  The responsibility for the man to provide for his family is very severe--in fact Paul says that if a man can't provide for his family, he's worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8)!!! The picture of the virtuous wife in Proverbs 31 is that she is a hard worker, providing/preparing food for her family, and she is respected by her children (and husband) for her admirable character. Notice in that passage that she still has her own projects (making and selling cloth in the city) that she makes money from (which is awesome and respectable), yet her main responsibility is to her home (while her husband is a man of "noble standing" in the city--i.e. has a highly respected position/job). I have seen great examples where the woman supports the family financially while still supporting the man in his mission from God, but it is irregular.  A reason that this can work is because it's not that the husband "can't provide for his family" like the verse in 1 Timothy says--he totally can, or could if he wanted to. They've just found a unique situation where he doesn't need to and she loves her job--BUT, their family is ran by the husband and his wife is supporting him in his mission (of pure choice and His leadership in the church).  But in cases where the guy makes the wife work because he wants to do other things or can't get or hold down a job, I think that's way unbiblical and something is wrong.  HOWEVER, I personally see examples where FOR A PERIOD OF TIME the woman supports the man's mission by making the majority of the income while HE FINISHES SCHOOL, which is in turn contributing to the man's mission and is only a temporary situation--the woman is not pressured to provide for the family long term.  And I believe that situation should only be the case when the woman is willing, and still submitting to / supporting her husband.   

*******

Ian will probably be so embarrassed when he figures out I posted his email on my blog, but I did it because I just love it so much and nothing needed to be changed! Thanks honey!

Up All Night.

I kept trying to think of a reason not to go. 

Our churches “Women’s Night of Prayer” tradition strikes as just a tad ludicrous. But when I heard 600 women signed up to attend, I thought maybe I was the only crazy one for not wanting to go!

It was Friday night, the start of my week. I said I would only go for the first part. Then I said I wasn’t going to go at all. But once we got to The Bridge (our college ministry earlier that night) I kind of didn’t want to leave. I always do this-- brainstorm why I can't attend something when I know I should go. I didn't want to go last year either because it was my first time attending a function at our new church... and without my husband! I literally had the best time even though all I remember is glittery stars hanging from the ceiling and feeling like I needed to brush my teeth.

This time, though, I knew what I would be missing and I just couldn’t live with that. Every time I tried to think of a reason to back out, God would give me a reason why I should.

To support the amazing Diane whom I knew was nervous to speak and host the evening.

To represent Ian.

To make new friends.

To eat delicious snacks.

To sing.

To die to myself.

To seek God.

To be present when girls from our college ministry would be.

To pray over my husband while he was fast asleep.

And because, deep down, I really wanted to go!

It's really not that hard to stay up all night and once a year is totally doable. We had about 650-700 women come! It was so amazing to get to worship, pray, and lose sleep EAT together.

I buddied up with my friend Christa all night and it turned out to be a neat bonding experience for the two of us. She works so closely with Ian and me pouring into the girls in our college ministry. It was fun to finally spend time giving each other attention instead of being totally focused on the girls in the ministry. I hope this means that we will work together more often because I really like her!

I also spent a lot of time with Tami, another pastor’s wife that happened to be the only one there besides Diane and me! I loved spending time with her because I admire her beauty, her devotion to God, and her display of commitment to serving and supporting her husband. We prayed with each other and we prayed for each other. It was amazing to spend a prolonged period of time with another P.W. because I feel like we just get each other. I could be totally transparent with Tami without over-explaining and disclaiming every struggle and burden I needed prayer for. I felt renewed.

The six ungodly hours of 12am-6am were preoccupied with Skype sessions with other churches participating in the same event, prayer circles, snacks, prayer walks, a story time, a meal, and washing each other’s feet.

I literally had goose bumps during our prayer walk (not from the cold) as Christa, Tami, and I were burrito-wrapped in our fleece blanket. Everyone was given a list of all the pastor’s prayer requests—both ministry related and personal. Hearing the girls behind us pray for Ian and me by name, then hearing them pray for John Mark and Tami by name-- my goosies wouldn’t going away. I just felt so honored that 600+ women were praying for my husband and me. I was encouraged because I knew God was going to answer the prayers. And He already has.

The power of prayer is truly amazing. Not just the fact that God hears and answers, but the fact that you can even communicate with Him, the maker of the world, through prayer… Wild!

It’s been a weekend of catching up on my missed sleep, but I am still on such a high! 

speeding down the fast lane.

I recently mentioned [in my other blog] how busy Ian and I have been this December. We had something on the calendar every day except three and those don't really count because after 20 days of doing stuff, you want a break to do nothing but catch your breath.

Let me just give you a breakdown of what Christmas week looked like for us...
12/22-12/24 Christmas celebrations with Ian's family.
Leave at 11:30am on 12/24 to head home.
Get home at 1:42pm on 12/24 and unpack.
Repack those same bags for a week in CA but we only had until 3:00pm (oh, and get dolled up for church that night).
Load the car up and leave at 3:00pm.
Arrive at downtown Christmas Eve gatherings at 3:30pm and stay there until 9:00pm.
Check into the hotel we're staying at for our early-morning flight the next day.
I decided not to go to the 11:00pm Christmas Eve gathering but Ian had to so he was only at the hotel to drop me off.
I got to bed around midnight and Ian gets back around 2:00am.
Alarm goes of at 4:45am.
Fly to and land in Palm Springs and stay there (with 12 other family people) until 12/31.

I already felt like I was living in the fast lane, but now I feel like we're speeding down it. 


The Palms Springs getaway was exactly what we needed to unwind and detach from normal life. I was actually beginning to feel somewhat revived and sooooo glad that December was over. But on the plane ride home Ian whipped out his calendar and we began discussing all that the month of January has planned--starting with the New Year's Eve party he was running later that night!


I feel so dumb because people will invite us to dinner or something and we literally have to book out at least one month in advance. But then I feel like our life is never going to slow down until we stop double-booking our calendars(because, let's face it, when you make plans in advance you always have something else come up closer to the actual date that you don't want to miss out on). But then I look at really shy people or other people that don't have friends and I realize I am so blessed. Since sometimes I stress out in social settings it's easy to remember all the hard things that come with being married to an "up-in-front" guy, but once I realize that socializing isn't the problem and that the problem is my attitude, I learn to appreciate my lifestyle more.


(Please don't misinterpret what I'm saying; Ian and I LOVE being in ministry and embrace everything that comes with it, I'm just trying to be real and honest about my own struggles... and don't worry, there is always a happy ending so keep reading!)


Whenever we get tired, we call ourselves out to remind us of the blessings that come with being in ministry. THERE ARE SO MANY! And they're not just blessings that apply to every ministry family, but they are specific to us! Our God is so good. In the same ways He empties us, He never fails to fill us back up again--it's actually more like every time we pour a little of ourselves out He tops us off so we never run dry. There is no greater feeling than holding hands with the Creator of the universe through your everyday life; He helps you jump over deep puddles and picks you up when you trip on a broken tree branch, kind of like when you're holding hands with your earthly father, but better.


I hear life never slows down, but when you're living for God's Kingdom it's OK because life is still sooooooo fulfilling! 

The Other Women.

I love what Lisa McKay mentions in her book, You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes, in regards to protecting our husbands from awkward situations with needy women in the church. We haven't really encountered these problems since we've been married and moved, but we have some FUNNY stories from when we were dating and even engaged. You know, either the teenager that develops a little crush on her youth pastor or the single mom that is needy for attention*1 but never come around when you're near? 


No matter how innocent the intentions are, we've seen lives ruined by true or false accusations on teachers, preachers, and everything in between. Whether it is the accuser or the accused, a life will be changed for the worse and I want to do everything I can to protect my husband from ever being put in a situation like this. 


Instead of being caught off guard next time, here are a few suggestions from Lisa's book that can help us protect our men:


1.) Run a Block for Him During the Gathering Times: This is when most of the awkward moments happen; a note is passed or a full-body hug is attempted. Even though I am a recovering awkward socialite, I will gladly force my way into any awkward moment if it means I protect my husband. 


2.) Be Prepared to Join in Counseling Sessions: Ian never counsels a woman one-on-one. It is even against church policy at our church. If Ian is only counseling the guys, at least 50% of the flock (the girls) are left out which means I need to be willing to step in. Lisa's words are, "A woman in dire circumstances needs no reason to view the pastor as her confidant, protector, or problem solver." My presence states that he is unavailable for anything other than biblical advice. 


3.) Feed Marital Friendship: Here's the thing: Our Husbands are critiqued on a day-to-day basis-- by God, their boss, and even their flock. Does he really need me nagging him as soon as he walks through the door? No*2. I'm not suggesting a husband have bad manners or not take part in any housework, but the reality is, if we don't provide an escape from the world with our home and our support, someone else will*3. If we aren't fun to be around, another woman will gladly step in and fill that role. 


Now for the disclaimers (disclaimer on my disclaimers: not that I'm unsure of what I've written, but because readers are very sensitive and take things personally):
*1 Not all single moms are needy, but the few we've had issues with were.
*2 I am by no means the perfect wife. This is something I am still working on and believe me, with mood swings like these, I've got to keep my tongue on a constant leash! 
*3 There is no excuse for a man to leave his wife when he isn't getting what he needs. You should always have open communication and a willingness to work hard towards pleasing one another. I'm just saying that if we are doing everything we can, another more giggly woman will be less appealing. 


Your husband should look forward to coming home and talking with you everyday instead of bracing himself for a bad attitude!--Words I try to live by.